During my recovery run this morning, I decided to reflect on something that I’ve dealt with over the past 8 years – bullying.
To set the context, I’ve been told numerous times that I’m not good enough, had people team up against me to put me down, send malicious rumours about me, wish me badly during races (I had someone tell me they hope I crash my bike) etc. Did it get me down? Of course it did and for quite some time, I contemplated giving up everything I worked hard for, the weight loss, my triathlon journey and importantly, the journey to discovering the best version of myself. I’m glad I didn’t and now, I hope to share my learnings with you because whoever you are, you’re not alone in this.
Bullying is an interesting concept and the system around bullying is an even more intriguing one.
My belief is of two parts:
1. People who bully are those who are struggling to find their place in this world and hence find the need to make others notice them.
2. People who get bullied are destined for greatness and the bullies are fearful of this.
Here’s why.
The hard fact is that we have all either been bullied or bullied someone else in our lives before. The faster we accept that, the nearer we are to something great.
If you’ve ever bullied anyone, you will realise that the reason why you did it was to feel good about yourself because that was the only way you knew how but you were also partly jealous and envious of the person you were bullying because they seemed to be steadfast in what they were doing and went about their daily business.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of any form of bullying, you’re affected because you simply can’t understand why others can’t leave you alone to do what it is you want to do and repeatedly bring you down, sometimes in the most gutter of ways by making references to your looks, your behaviour and mannerisms.
Here’s the reality check.
The bully is always portrayed to be the antagonist but in reality, the bully is actually the greatest victim of all because they may never find their purpose other than living off someone else’s pain. When your source of comfort comes from having to push someone repeatedly over the edge, there will come a time when you will no one else to push or people begin pushing back. Look at yourself in the mirror and reassure yourself that you’re better than this. Forgive yourself, smile and keep moving forward.
The person who gets bullied is in a place of severe discomfort but we all know that growth comes from a situation of being uncomfortable. My belief is that while the journey is rough, with the right guidance that all victims of bullying are destined for greatness. They will emerge as great leaders, entrepreneurs and truly change the world by being able to share their experiences and to influence millions. Don’t ever let anyone stick a finger in your face and tell you that you’re not good enough. Smile and keep moving forward.
Remember watching those Hollywood movies where the star quarterback who was also the bully eventually ended up getting nowhere in life while the often bullied quiet one at the back of the class ended up being wildly successful? That’s actually a quite realistic reflection of reality.
Anyone can grow.
So when we classify bullies as the enemy and the bullied as the victim, we are actually doing both of them a severe injustice and this has led me to believe that while both require a different type of treatment that there is a need to guide them to see a much further path down the road.
Someone who bullies must be shown the consequences of not living their own life that does not revolve around belittling others and those who are bullied must be shown the path that they are on and that they are destined for greatness. The former needs to be put in a place of discomfort for them to grow further while the latter needs a guiding and safe hand to show them the way.
As both emerge from their old selves and take on the world again, they will go on to achieve many great things by sharing their lessons and paying it forward. When they meet, instead of menace and aggression, they will shake hands, embrace and show the bullies and the bullied that all of us, in our choosing, are destined for greatness.
Onward.
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